WEEK FOUR: Nine Lessons for FHE on "The Family: A Proclamation to the World"

“The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, paragraph four).

Thought: “Secondly, may I stress that human intimacy is reserved for a married couple because it is the ultimate symbol of total union, a totality and a union ordained and defined by God. From the Garden of Eden onward, marriage was intended to mean the complete merger of a man and a woman—their hearts, hopes, lives, love, family, future, everything. Adam said of Eve that she was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, and that they were to be ‘one flesh’ in their life together. This is a union of such completeness that we use the word seal to convey its eternal promise. . . . But such a total union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with solemn promises and the pledge of all they possess—their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams.” —Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Song: “Family History – I Am Doing It,” Children’s Songbook #94 

Scripture: “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the dearth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth” (Genesis 1:28).

Lesson:
• Read the paragraph together. Watch this Mormon Messages video on chastity. Ask what family members learned and felt from watching the video.
• Discuss the following questions: Why is it so important that we keep the law of chastity? Like the pilot in the video, why is it important to stay far away from danger and temptation? Why are the powers of procreation only to be employed between husband and wife? Why are husbands and wives commanded to ‘multiply and replenish the earth’?
• For younger children, show a picture of each child as a baby. Talk about how pure and innocent babies are and how important it is for them to be born to a worthy father and mother.
• Testify of the importance of following God’s commandments in a marriage and family.

Activity: Family Tree
To remember the importance of their own family and the significance of those who came before and of those who will come after, have each family member make their own copy of a family tree. 

1. Download and print copies of this family tree. 
2. Have each family member fill out and color their own copy of the family tree. Younger children can draw pictures of the family. 
3. Have each family member hang their family tree (or family picture) on their bedroom wall.

Refreshments: Peanut Butter No-Bake Cookies

1 ½ cup quick-cooking oats
¾ cup coconut
½ cup chopped peanuts
¼ cup butter
½ cup evaporated milk
1 cup sugar
¾ cup chunky peanut butter
1 tsp. vanilla

1. In a large bowl, mix oats, coconut, and peanuts. Set aside.
2. In a medium saucepan, combine butter, milk, and sugar; bring to a boil and stir for 2 to 3 minutes.
3. Remove from heat and stir in peanut butter and vanilla. Pour over oatmeal mixture and mix thoroughly.
4. Drop by rounded tablespoons onto waxed paper. Let stand for about an hour or until set. Makes 12–18 cookies

WEEK THREE: Nine Lessons for FHE on "The Family: A Proclamation to the World"

“In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, paragraph three).

Thought: “The desire of our hearts, of course, is not only to acquire salvation and immortality but also to attain eternal life with a loving Father in Heaven and our Savior in the celestial kingdom with our families. We can obtain eternal life only through obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel. The Savior said, ‘For if you keep my commandments you shall receive of his fulness, and be glorified in me.’” —Elder Quentin L. Cook

Song: “I Lived in Heaven,” Children’s Songbook #4 

Scripture: “In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began;” (Titus 1:2).

Lesson:
• Read the third paragraph together. Explain that it was part of God’s plan before we came to Earth that we be sealed as families so we could return to live with God as families.
• Place a set of family pictures in two separate envelopes. Leave one envelope open; seal the other. Hold up both envelopes. Explain that the open one represents a family who has not been sealed for eternity in the temple. The closed envelope represents a family that has been sealed. Point out that all families have problems during mortality. Have family members name examples, such as poor health, marital strains, financial problems, busy schedules, and death. With each example, have a family member shake the two envelopes. Soon the pictures from the open envelope will start to fall out, scattering onto the ground, illustrating that families who are not sealed can be separated by earthly problems. However, families who are sealed for eternity have more motivation and may receive strength to solve problems and remain together no matter what trial comes to them. They have the hope and promise of an eternal family if they live righteously and remain worthy to receive the blessings of being sealed.
• Testify of temples and the sealing power. 
[Object Lessons Made Easy by Beth Lefgren and Jennifer Jackson; Deseret Book; 2010]

Activity: Family Paper Chain
Make a family paper chain to represent that you are all linked together through the sealing power. You will need construction paper and markers or crayons.
1. Have each family member cut a long strip of paper, 8 inches by 11 inches. 
2. Tell them to draw the outline of a person at one end of the strip. Make sure the head touches the top edge and the feet touch the bottom edge of the strip and that one of the hands touches the side edge.
3. Fold the paper accordion style. Make sure that the width of each fold is the size of the outline of the person you drew.
4. Trim off any leftover paper that isn’t long enough to fold.
5. Cut out the person, leaving the folds intact at the hands (and possibly the feet also) so the chain does not break.
6. Unfold the paper. Each family member can color the people to make them look like the members of your family!

Refreshments: Oatmeal Chocolate Cookies
2/3 cup butter
2/3 cup sugar
1 egg
¾ cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 ½ cup oatmeal
1 cup chocolate chips

1. Mix butter, sugar, and egg. Stir in remaining ingredients.
2. Drop by rounded tablespoons onto ungreased cookie sheet about 1 inch apart. 
3. Bake at 340 degrees for 10–12 minutes until almost no indentation remains when touched. Makes 3 dozen cookies.

WEEK TWO: Nine Lessons for FHE on "The Family: A Proclamation to the World"

“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, paragraph two).

Thought: “We know that gender was set in the premortal world. ‘The spirit and the body are the soul of man’ (D&C 88:15). This matter of gender is of great concern to the Brethren, as are all matters of morality. A few of you may have felt or been told that you were born with troubling feelings and that you are not guilty if you act on those temptations. Doctrinally we know that if that were true, your agency would have been erased, and that cannot happen. You always have a choice to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost and live a morally pure and chaste life, one filled with virtue.” —President Boyd K. Packer

Song: “I Am a Child of God,” Hymn #301

Scripture: “I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High” (Psalms 82:6).

Lesson:
• Read the second paragraph together.
• Watch the Mormon Messages clip “I Am a Child of God” below. 

Ask family members what they learned and felt from watching the video.
• Ask the following questions: How does it make you feel to know you are a child of God? Why is it important to know that we are the children of heavenly parents? What do children of God do and say? Since everyone around you are also children of God, how should you treat them? How would your life be different if you didn’t have this knowledge?
• If you have young children, have them draw a picture of themselves and write “[Name] is a child of God” on the top.
• Bear testimony that God is our father and that He loves us.

Activity: Nonstop
This game will remind the family that each family member is a unique child of God. You will need paper, a bowl, and a timer.
1. Select one of the family to be the official timer. The timer could be changed after each round.
2. Put the names of all family members in the bowl.
3. Have a person draw one of the names out of the bowl. When the timer is set for thirty seconds, the person drawing the name out must start talking as fast as he can, nonstop, without hesitating, about the person whose name was drawn out.
4. Immediately after the timer stops, the person who was talking points to someone else in the family and they must start talking about the person who just finished talking. When thirty seconds is up, that person then points to someone else. Everyone in the family must take a turn talking before a person can be pointed at again. If a person hesitates or stops talking during the thirty seconds, he is out. Also, if a person points at someone who has already had his turn, the person who points is out.
5. The round ends at the end of five minutes or when everyone has been talked about. Begin a new round by drawing another name from the bowl. The game ends when all the names have been drawn out of the bowl.

Refreshments: Cereal Candy

5 cups Cheerios
5 cups Rice Chex
6 cups Special K
2 cups sugar
¾ cup white corn syrup
½ cup butter (no substitutes)
Dash of salt
1 cup whipping cream
1 tsp. vanilla

1. In a large bowl, combine all cereals.
2. In a large saucepan, combine sugar, corn syrup, butter, and dash of salt over medium heat.
3. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly.
4. When boiling, slowly stir in whipping cream.
5. Using a candy thermometer, cook to soft ball stage while stirring constantly.
6. Once at soft ball stage, remove from heat immediately and stir in vanilla.
7. Pour over your cereal. Then gently toss and coat the cereal.
8. Once all cereal is coated, pour out on a large cookie sheet to cool.
Serves 16.

WEEK ONE: Nine Lessons for FHE on "The Family: A Proclamation to the World"

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”
("The Family: A Proclamation to the World," paragraph one)

Thought: “While our individual salvation is based on our individual obedience, it is equally important that we understand that we are each an important and integral part of a family and that the highest blessings can be received only within an eternal family.” —Elder Robert D. Hales

Song: “Families Can Be Together Forever,” Hymn #300 

Scripture: “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10: 6–9).

Lesson: 
• Read the first paragraph of the family proclamation together.  Discuss why families are such an important part of God’s plan, and why each member of the family is important.
• Hold up a picture of the temple where Mom and Dad or another couple in the family was married, or use a photo of the temple where the family was sealed. Have family members share experiences of how they felt during these experiences. If your family has not yet been sealed in the temple, set goals together.
• Show the family a linked chain or necklace. Tell them that it represents the family linked through the sealing power throughout all the generations (past, present, and future). Demonstrate what happens if one of the links is broken.

Activity: Stack It!
This game teaches family unity. You will need a set of blocks (different sizes and shapes if possible), a score sheet, and a pen or pencil.
1. Create a score sheet with four vertical columns for four rounds, and three horizontal rows for teams (one for team one, another for team two, and a third left blank). Divide the family into two teams. 
2. Have the teams alternate in stacking blocks, one block each turn, on top of each other until the stack of blocks tips over.
3. The team that causes the blocks to tip over receives no points. The other team receives five points. After the blocks have tipped over, use the score sheet to score the five points for the winning team in the column labeled “Round 1.”
4. Do the same thing for rounds 2, 3, and 4. 
5. When the rounds are over, carry the numbers down each vertical column and put the total for each round  in row 3 (instead of adding the points for each team by going across horizontally to the last column). Then add up the points in row 3 and put the total in the last column. You now have a combined score for both teams. Write “All of Us” in front of row 3. 
6. Ask the family who gets more done: one person or team or all of us. To show that all of us is better, play the game over again, but this time have only one team: the whole family working together. When family members do it this way, the stack of blocks should go higher before tipping over. Point out that it’s better when we work together as a family. 
[Fun For Family Night: Book of Mormon Edition, Allan K. Burgess and Max H. Molgard; Bookcraft, Inc.; 1990]

Refreshments: Pink Lemonade Ice Cream Pie
½ gallon vanilla ice cream (not vanilla bean flavor)
1 pkg. pink lemonade drink mix (not sugar-free)
1 graham cracker pie crust

1. Soften vanilla ice cream; stir in pink lemonade mix until completely mixed in and the mix is completely dissolved. 
2. Pour into pie crust. 
3. Cover and freeze. If desired, add pink food coloring.
[Favorite Family Recipes, Erica Walker, Emily Walker, Elise Donovan, and Echo Blickenstaff; Covenant Communications, Inc.; 2012]

Saved by the Scriptures

Saved by the Scriptures

Conference Talk:

For more information on this topic read “The Power of Deliverance,” by Elder L. Tom

Perry, Ensign, May 2011, 55.

Thought:

We can be delivered from the ways of evil and wickedness by turning to the teachings

of the holy scriptures.

 (L. Tom Perry, “The Power of Deliverance,” Ensign,  May 2012, 94).

Song:

“As I Search the Holy Scriptures,” Hymns #277.

Scripture:

Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which

testify of me.

 (John 5:39)

Object Lesson:

Have a family member read aloud John 5:39.

Ask:

• Why does Jesus say we should “search the scriptures”?

• How can we make scripture study more meaningful?

• What is the difference between searching the scriptures and just reading them?

• What might the Jewish leaders have understood if they had searched and believed the

scriptures?

Ask another family member to read aloud John 5:28–29 and explain it as best they can.

Have another family member read Doctrine and Covenants 76:15–21. Ask, What knowledge

and understanding have we been blessed with because Joseph Smith searched John 5:29? Invite

family members to share how they have been strengthened by searching the scriptures.

 (Dennis H. Leavitt and Richard O. Christensen, Scripture Study for Latter-day Saint Families: The New Testament,

 [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2006], p. 120.)

Story:

I went through an interesting exercise when I lost my scriptures on February 7, 1991. I

wasn’t too concerned right at first. When I realized at my office that they were missing, I knew

they must be at home, or in the car, or in Salt Lake City at the Relief Society Building. I knew

I would get them back. My name was in them. When I said to someone, “I lost my scriptures,”

they’d ask, “Well, where did you put them?” If I knew where I had put them they wouldn’t be

lost, but people still asked that question.

The last time I remembered having them was after a meeting at the Relief Society Building.

My hands were full, and I stuck the scriptures, in their plastic holder-with-a-handle, on the top

of the car. So I got thinking perhaps I had left them there. Agh!

Anyway, it was a few days before I became concerned. Then I slowly realized that my

scriptures weren’t in any of the places where I thought they might be. Still I remained somewhat

calm. Surely they would come back. Someone would find them and see my name and address and get

in touch. Each time I drove to or from the Relief Society Building I looked carefully, going the same

way I always went. I didn’t want them to be in a ditch or alongside the road somewhere.

My next step was to imagine that, yes, someone had found my scriptures, and they were reading

them, and they were in the process of conversion, and when they were ready to be baptized, they would

get in touch, and it would be a fabulous story with an incredibly happy ending. Yes, that was what was

happening. My scriptures were busy doing their thing.

But I missed them. I hadn’t realized how much I liked them, that one particular set. . . . [They] had

been on a couple of missions with me. They had been to Asia and Africa. They smelled like mold, and

it made me homesick and nostalgic whenever I caught their scent. I missed all the things I had written

in the margins. I missed the way they seemed to pop open to just what I needed.

Of course I prayed for those scriptures. I wasn’t demanding or anything. I just let Heavenly Father

know that I missed my scriptures and would sure love to get them back. And although I probably

didn’t exactly say, “Thy will be done,” I did say, “If it’s possible” or “If it’s a good idea” or “If it

would be okay.” Of course, I couldn’t imagine a single reason why it wouldn’t be a wonderful idea for

me to get them back.

Days passed and then weeks. General conference was getting closer, and I still had not found my

scriptures. Eventually it was as if the still small voice said something to me like, “Edmunds, get a grip.

They’re gone. You’ve got to get some more.” And so I did. Shortly before conference I bought a whole

set. I tried to like them—not very hard, but I did try. They weren’t user friendly. They wouldn’t pop

open to the right place. They didn’t smell like mold. Nothing was written in the margins. And for some

reason I didn’t write my name in them. Not yet. I did take them to conference and other places with

me. I tried to bond with them. It wasn’t working.

A few days after conference, when my real scriptures had been gone two months, I had a feeling

that I wanted to pray about them again. I hadn’t mentioned them in several weeks because I didn’t

want to be too pushy. But on an evening in April when I knelt to pray I included something about my

scriptures. I said to Heavenly Father, “I know You can see them.” I knew He knew where they were.

I didn’t say it like, “So why haven’t You brought them back?” It was just something I knew. And I

asked for the last time about getting them back. He knew it was the last time. I mentioned how much

I had missed them and how I hadn’t realized how much that particular set meant to me. I thanked Him

for not being mad at me for bringing it up again and told Him I would let go if for some reason they

couldn’t come back. I wouldn’t bother Him again about that particular subject.

The next morning I got to the Missionary Training Center early. Since the door near my office was

locked, I walked through the lobby. I decided to check my mailbox while I was so near the front desk.

In it was a green slip, one of those forms that says “An item for you that would not fit in your mailbox

has been placed above the mailboxes. The item is . . .” The blank was filled in with red pen: “your

scriptures.” What?

I looked up, and sure enough, there they were. No plastic cover, but I recognized them instantly.

I grabbed them and ran down the hall to my office. I hardly had time to shut and lock the door before

I started crying—hard. I knelt and thanked Heavenly Father for answering my prayers. Imagine how

Heavenly Father can look down on all His billions of children and pick us out, one by one, knowing

our names and our needs, and responding in such unusual (sometimes we say “mysterious” when we

don’t comprehend the particulars), specific, remarkable, miraculous ways. I keep the green slip inside

my scriptures (it now smells a little like mold too) and it reminds me of many things but mostly of how

loving and patient and merciful God is with us and how well He knows each of us.

Incidentally, my dear friend Subandriyo (we call him Yoyo) from Indonesia happened to be at

general conference that year. When I saw him after I had found my scriptures, I asked if he had a set

in English. He said no, but he surely would like one someday. Not all the books have been translated

into Indonesian, and he enjoys things like the Topical Guide. I told him about my experience and gave

him my newly purchased scriptures, saying how nice it was that I would just happen to have an extra

set. He smiled as only he can and said, “Oh, Sister, the Lord works in mysterious ways. He knew that

Yoyo needed some English scriptures.” Yes, He did.

 (Mary Ellen Edmunds, Love Is a Verb,  [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1993], p. 50-4.)

Activity:

Have each family member look up one of their favorite scriptures. Take turns reading them aloud

and explaining why you like that particular scripture.

Refreshment

Peanut Butter Yummies

1 cup sugar

1 cup light corn syrup

1 cup peanut butter

21⁄2 cups Rice Chex® cereal

21⁄2 cups Rice Krispies® cereal

Combine the sugar and corn syrup in a medium saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium-

high

heat, stirring often. Maintain a rolling boil for about 1 minute. Remove from heat. Add the peanut

butter to the hot syrup and stir until thoroughly mixed. Combine cereals in a large bowl. Pour hot

peanut butter syrup over the cereals and stir with a large wooden spoon. Spoon cookie-

sized

amounts

onto waxed paper and let cool before serving.

Makes 2 dozen.

Judging Others FHE

Conference Talk:

For more information on this topic read “The Merciful Obtain Mercy,” by

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign, May 2012, 70.

Thought:

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it

comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause

harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

(Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Merciful Obtain Mercy,” Ensign, May 2012, 70.)

Song:

“Kindness Begins With Me,” Children’s Songbook, p. 145.

Scripture:

Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for

wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the

same things.

(Romans 2:1)

Object Lesson:

Materials needed: A watermelon.

Procedure: Let the group see the melon. Point out that it’s hard, plain, and maybe

even a little scuffed up on the outside. It’s outward appearance doesn’t give a hint as to

the treat that is inside.

Split the melon and show the red, juicy fruit. As the group is eating the melon,

draw a parallel between the watermelon and people. Many don’t dress, act, or appear

as we do; but if we are willing to look beyond surface appearances, it will be worth our

effort. We can find qualities of humor, kindness, intellect, and much more. Sometime

we’ll still find a few annoying habits, just like the seeds, but it is a simple matter to

overlook them. Then we can truly enjoy the most important part of a person.

(Beth Lefgren and Jennifer Jackson, Power Tools for Teaching, [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1988], 39.)

Story:

Heber J. Grant

There stand out in my life many incidents in my youth, of wonderful inspiration

and power through men preaching the gospel in the spirit of testimony and prayer.

I call to mind one such incident when I was a young man, probably seventeen or

eighteen years of age. I heard the late Bishop Millen Atwood preach a sermon in the

Thirteenth Ward. I was studying grammar at the time, and he made some grammatical

errors in his talk.

I wrote down his first sentence, smiled to myself, and said: “I am going to get here

tonight, during the thirty minutes that Brother Atwood speaks, enough material to last me for the entire

winter in my night school grammar class.” We had to take to the class for each lesson two sentences,

or four sentences a week, that were not grammatically correct, together with our corrections.

I contemplated making my corrections and listening to Bishop Atwood’s sermon at the same time.

But I did not write anything more after the first sentence—not a word; and when Millen Atwood

stopped preaching, tears were rolling down my cheeks, tears of gratitude and thanksgiving that welled

up in my eyes because of the marvelous testimony which that man bore of the divine mission of Joseph

Smith, the prophet of God, and of the wonderful inspiration that attended the Prophet in all his labors.

Although it is now more than sixty-five years since I listened to that sermon, it is just as vivid

today, and the sensations and feelings that I had are just as fixed with me as they were the day I

heard it. Do you know, I would no more have thought of using those sentences in which he had made

grammatical mistakes than I would think of standing up in a class and profaning the name of God. That

testimony made the first profound impression that was ever made upon my heart and soul of the divine

mission of the Prophet. I had heard many testimonies that had pleased me and made their impression,

but this was the first testimony that had melted me to tears under the inspiration of the Spirit of God to

that man.

During all the years that have passed since then, I have never been shocked or annoyed by

grammatical errors or mispronounced words on the part of those preaching the gospel. I have realized

that it was like judging a man by the clothes he wore to judge the spirit of a man by the clothing of

his language. From that day to this the one thing above all others that has impressed me has been the

Spirit, the inspiration of the living God that an individual had when proclaiming the gospel, and not the

language; because after all is said and done there are a great many who have never had the opportunity

to become educated so far as speaking correctly is concerned. Likewise there are many who have

never had an opportunity in the financial battle of life to accumulate the means whereby they could be

clothed in an attractive manner. I have endeavored, from that day to this, and have been successful in

my endeavor, to judge men and women by the spirit they have; for I have learned absolutely, that it is

the Spirit that giveth life and understanding, and not the letter. The letter killeth.

(Leon R. Hartshorn, Classic Stories from the Lives of Our Prophets, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1971], 214.)

Activity:

Find a selection of fifteen to twenty small interesting objects, arrange them on a tray and cover

with a towel.

Uncover the tray and place it where all family members can see it. Give everyone one minute to

memorize the contents of the tray, then cover it up again.

Give everyone a paper and pencil. Ask them to write down all of the objects that they can

remember.

Review everyone’s answers. Point out that everyone remembered different items. We are all unique

and see things a little bit differently, but no one is right or wrong.

Refreshment

Watermelon Smoothie

4 cups seeded cold watermelon

1 Tbsp lime juice

1 Tbsp honey

1/2 cup vanilla yogurt (optional)

1 cup ice cubes

Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth. Makes 4 servings.

5 Ways Father's Influence Their Daughters

A father’s relationship with his daughter can significantly impact her throughout her life. Here are 5 ways Dad can influence his girl and help her to become a confident, happy, successful woman.

We’ve all seen them—the sitcoms and movies, even television commercials that portray fathers as inept creatures bumbling through family life. In a culture where dads are often portrayed as the dunces of the family, researchers are only beginning to scratch the surface of just how important their role in the family truly is.

“Fathers bring something very different to the table—many things that mothers can’t,” says Dr. Meg Meeker, author of the bestselling book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. “The biggest mistake dads make is not understanding their significance.”

Without question, fathers are a powerful influence on both sons and daughters—an influence that reaches well beyond the roles of provider and protector. And as new studies emerge, it’s becoming clearer just how deeply the father-daughter relationship can affect a woman throughout her life in a variety of ways, including self-confidence, body image, education, career, and romantic relationships.

1. Self-Confidence 

“Dads are very good at teaching girls to be more assertive,” explains Meeker. “They give their daughters a sense of strength and a huge amount of self-confidence. From a daughter’s perspective, Mom is usually the safe person who will love them no matter what. Dad’s love is a little more negotiable, so when she does feel she’s getting his attention, it gives her a great sense of confidence, which translates into feeling good about herself and feeling in control of her life.

But because fathers wield a tremendous amount of influence, they should be mindful of their well-meaning attempts to instill confidence in their daughters. “If you comment on her beauty, athletic prowess, or academic achievement, she’ll focus on her ‘external self’ and worry about retaining your love through achievement and appearance,” cautions Meeker. “Your daughter wants you to admire her deep, intrinsic qualities. Focus on her character and her worth. Compliment her on her ability to be a good listener or a caring friend, her courage, and her integrity.”

2. Body Image 

Research has proven that fathers who are involved in their daughters’ lives can play a pivotal role in preventing eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Daughters who feel a stronger emotional connection to their fathers are less likely to be depressed or have an eating disorder. In one such study, published in Perspectives in Psychiatric Care, all of the anorexia patients’ fathers had become less accessible during their adolescence.

Studies also show that girls recovered from eating disorders more quickly if their fathers were involved in their recovery. In fact, Meeker says one of the primary treatments for girls with
eating disorders is spending time with their dads. “Spending enjoyable time together teaches father and daughter that beneath her illness—and the misbehavior it can cause—she is still a girl to be loved, and that’s the first big step toward her recovery.”

3. Education 

A study by the U.S. Department of Education found that highly involved fathers had children who were 43 percent more likely than other children to earn mostly A’s and 33 percent less likely than other children to repeat a grade.

Another government study concluded that girls with involved fathers are twice as likely to stay in school. And those with fathers who are actively involved in their lives have higher quantitative and verbal skills, as well as higher intellectual functioning.

4. Career

Fathers have also been proven to help daughters become more competent, more achievement-oriented, and more successful.

Lisa, a 40-year-old vice president of marketing and communications for an international financial institution, credits her father for much of her academic and professional success. “My dad was the one who always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be,” she recalls. “He’s the reason I earned a full-ride scholarship to college. And he’s the one who encouraged me to go for my dream job in a highly competitive field—a job that I wouldn’t have gotten otherwise.”

A Mormon woman, Lisa hoped to be married and start a family years ago, but since the opportunity hasn’t come, she finds herself pursuing her career and turning to her father for advice—something her mother, a stay-at-home mom, doesn’t have experience with. In fact, as women both in and out of theLDS Church marry later—or sometimes not at all—or return to the workforce out of necessity, it creates a new opportunity for fathers and their adult daughters to bond.

In an article published by PsychologyToday in 2011, Dr. Peggy Drexler, author of Our Fathers, Ourselves, observed: “The conveyor that once reliably delivered daughters from the protection of a father to the protection of a husband is not reliable. . . . As a result, fathers who might have once defined their role as helping daughters prepare to be good wives now see it as preparing
them to make and manage money, compete for jobs, handle relationships, be tough.”

She continued, “We are entering an awkward stage where a generation of stay-at-home mothers must find ways to relate to career-minded daughters, who by shared experience alone may gravitate to dad.”

5. Romantic Relationships

“It’s uncomfortable for most dads when their daughters start to become women,” acknowledges Dr. Jonathan Swinton, a marriage and family therapist. “Dads become more hands off, with the
exception of the protector role, and it changes the nature of the relationship with their daughters—they’re not as close emotionally.”

But distancing themselves emotionally is a huge mistake, warns Meeker. “That’s the time when daughters need their dads more than ever. Fathers need to talk to their girls about uncomfortable subjects like sex and dating because they can have a huge influence on their daughters’ behavior.”

A study published in 2010 in The American Journal of Family Therapy supports Meeker’s assertion. It states: “Girls’ interactions with their fathers during their formative years may be important predictors of their later intimate and sexual interactions with male peers. . . .
Adolescent daughters who perceive less communication with and attachment to fathers report more frequent sexual behavior. . . . Girls deprived of closeness are likely to seek substitute male affection through interactions with male peers. . . . More specifically, paternal responsiveness
may predict greater self-worth. . . . In turn, to the degree that daughters have strong self-worth, [they] may successfully refuse unwanted heterosexual activity.”

Meeker recommends that fathers take their daughters on “mini dates,” or daddy-daughter dates, as they are more commonly known among Latter-day Saints. “Take her to dinner and spend one-on-one time with her so she becomes comfortable being a woman in a social setting. You can
show her how she can expect to be treated.”

Above all else, be the kind of man you want your daughter to marry. “Women gravitate to what is familiar,” says Meeker. “How you treat your daughter and your wife is how she will expect to be treated by her spouse.”